And I'm Still Losing...

What's going on everyone!?

Today for the #2019gameaday challenge my lovely wife, beautiful daughter and I played a game of Hero Realms with the Wizard, Thief and Ranger expansions. 

Unfortunately, I still cant post pictures unless they're screenshots because there is an error with the blogger app but rest assured I really did lose, lol!

Trinity ended up killing me and doing a great job as usual but this time Sam ended up finishing her off before she could regain any health and take her mother out as well.

As always, thank you for reading and don't forget to stop and smell the meeples! :)

-Tim

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An Apology And A Heads Up.

I was killing time yesterday, checking my blog reading list and so on, when it occurred to me that it had been ages since I had last been notified of a blog comment that needed approval. These are comments that have either been tagged as potential Spam by the system or were made more than three days after a post was published.

 It took a minute to sort out the new version comment approval tab and figure out why I hadn't received, or at least seen, any notices. To my dismay, in addition to several dozen Spam comments, there were about two dozen actual comments, some as old as July. Ooops! So, I went through, approving and replying. All caught up now. 

I have now made a note to myself to check the list daily and I apologise to all those who left a comment on a page or an older post and did not get answered or at least published.

Facing the camera are two members of the von Riedesel regiment.

When the new Prince August SYW moulds came out, I wanted to support them but had absolutely no place for Prussians and the like. My compatible armies were for Fontenoy or North America or else fictional. I decided it would be easier to do some Quebec/Saratoga campaigns American Revolution units than to start on Prussians. That didn't get far but now that I am recruiting for the 1st Coalition, it seemed to me that they would be close enough to fit, except for the hat which looks VERY old fashioned. The chap with the silver head is testing to see if he looks suitable in a bicorne, an easy way to add a unit with a minimum of work. Looks to me  like an easy way to make it 6 vs 6 units and avoid a surplus unit hanging around eating rations and grumbling. 

Over the last few days, preparations for the approach of another Hurricane have taken precedence over other activities so there is not much to post about. These days, power outages seem to be the inevitable result of having a Hurricane or even a Post Tropical storm  blow through so if I disappear for a few days, fear not, all the hatches are battened and we will be hunkered down, snacking and reading, maybe even playing a game, until the power is restored.

Frost warning for the morning, tropical storm warning for the afternoon. Ohhhkay. See you on the other side.

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Commercial offer

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Italian Wars Mounted Crossbow

This is turning into a rather productive pandemic, even though I am working the same hours as I was before lock down I'm not distracted by Football and actual gaming and I seem to have got a bit of a painting mojo going at the moment and I'm trying to make the most of it.

These were featured as a work in progress on the video update I did on the Yarkshire Gamer YouTube channel last week and if you haven't why not have a look and subscribe (for nowt) to get the latest updates.

The unit has 12 x 28mm Perry Miniatures from the plastic box set made up to represent mounted crossbow from the Italian Wars to add to the one or two other units I have. The flag as usual is from Pete's Flags and is representative of one carried by Giovanni Medicis Black Bande.

As with my other units I have taken my cues for the clothing from the colours of the flag so you will see a lot of black and yellows in the clothing.

I just love the Perrys figures so much. They fit my painting style exactly, it's like I had a say in how they were done 😂 the faces have so much expression, a touch of paint in the right place just brings them to life.

Figures are painted in acrylics as is the horse furniture, the horses are all done in oils and I'm in the process of putting together a video run through of the process which should be up in a couple of days. Below are some photos of the individual stands.

So these can go in a box waiting for the world to get back gaming again. Next up on the paint table are the mounted element of the Kingdom of Jerusalem force.

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Missed Classic: Moonmist - Unfinished Business

Written by Joe Pranevich

Moonmist is an almost-unique experiment in the Infocom canon, a "replayable" game that featured four different mysteries to solve in one convenient package. As we have seen, the end result didn't quite live up to the promise and it is presently the lowest-rated game so far in this marathon. We could compare Moonmist's approach with Cutthroats, for example-- the former placed more puzzles in the same space, while the latter provided separate areas to explore in its variants-- but neither approach was completely satisfying.

Although we played through the four cases, I have since discovered that Moonmist aspired to much more. In 2019, the source code for most of the Infocom adventures was leaked online. That has been a treasure trove of information for the last few entries in this series, especially Trinity where I was able to look at original design documents and trace the development of the game from concept to execution. In Moonmist's case, these sources reveal that not only were two additional cases nearly completed ("violet" and "orange" variants), but also that the game was to feature gendered variations in all six scavenger hunts. Moonmist was intended to be twelve games in one, not just four!

I'd like to wrap up Moonmist (and 1986) by looking at the game that might have been, if Lawrence and Galley just had a bit more time-- or a bit more RAM. I'll look at the two new cases first before taking a look at the changes planned for the four that we already played. Who else was a murderer?

The Case of the Crooked Art Dealer (Orange)

Before I begin, I should clarify that these final cases are fragmentary. While enough of the code is in place (or commented out) to get a decent view, we are missing dialogs, the epilogue, and potentially other details that would have been added before release. This is an incomplete snapshot of what could have been, not a playable module. It should at least give us an idea of what they were building.

The introduction to the "orange" case appears to have played out the same as the others. The first major clue would come, as usual, from the butler. He would have provided three critical pieces of information:

If I may express an opinion, our ghost must need reading glasses. The hall was ablaze with lights, yet it was bending down, groping blindly for something on the marble floor. And, I might add, it must also be left-handed. You see, Ms. Doe, while bending over, the figure was using its left hand to grope with. I tried it myself, as did other servants, and we agree that such behavior indicates left-handedness.
To be frank, Ms. Doe, I was quite taken aback when I saw the ghost. I'm afraid I just stood there for a moment, gaping at it stupidly. Then when it found whatever it was looking for, it stood up, flashed me a startled glance, and fled into the darkness of the Drawing Room.

This would be the third case with a contact lens as a critical clue, but now we have an additional note that the ghost was left-handed. This may have inspired us to work out the handedness of each of the guests, but I have no idea how to do that. There is no code anywhere in the final game that suggested handedness for any of the guests. Also notice that this time the ghost found what he was looking for!

The maid's note after dinner would provide the next big clue. Thankfully, it isn't a repeat: "I like a pretty picture meself, but at least I know what's mine and what's not."

From there, we could eventually determine that Mr. Hyde, the antiques dealer, was masquerading as the ghost. We would have discovered the contact lens case and a "museum report" in his room. The report would reveal that a painting that had been sent to the London Museum for sale was a forgery. Hyde had swapped the real painting for a fake at some point in the past, while he was "cleaning" it. He sold the original on the black market. Presumably, Lionel figured this out and Hyde killed him before he could go to the police. Hyde then "haunted" the castle to snag additional art for illicit resale. Exactly why he would have gone after Tamara is unclear and may have had something to do with her cataloging Lord Lionel's papers. I cannot be positive that I have all of the details correct without the epilogue text, but it seems a reasonable conclusion based on the evidence.

While this was going on, we should also have been searching for Lionel's hidden artefact. Our target would be "the gold headdress of a Pharaoh's daughter, in the shape of a coiled cobra". The first two clues would be distributed at dinner as usual, but unlike in the published cases they are gendered. That is, there would have been a different solution to the scavenger hunt whether you played as a man (or unknown) or as a woman.

1st Clue Female:

"A coiled cobra weaving its head in time to a snake charmer's flute music."

1st Clue Male:

"A woman with yellow headband standing in front of the Sphinx."

2nd Clue Female:

"If Cleopatra ruled the Nile, who ruled the waves -- and what did they have in common?"

2nd Clue Male:

"Know ye that a woman may proudly flaunt her crowning glory, but the wise man keeps his under his hat."

Unfortunately, that is all we have. There are no records of where these clues would have inspired you to look or of third or fourth clues. All we have is the solution: the headdress would have been found either in the armor in the New Great Hall (if male) or on a statue of Britannia in the Old Great Hall (if female). The latter statue is one of a handful of items that were removed from the final game before completion. 

Like this but with a Pharaoh's headdress.

The Case of the Redirected Affection (Violet)

The final case feels even more fragmentary than the previous, although the plot beats are clear enough. The opening plays like before with the butler revealing the first real clue. You will be shocked to learn that it is another "red gem lost in the carpet" clues; I am disappointed that there were ultimately only two variants of this initial mystery planned, but at least Mr. Hyde was able to recover his lens successfully.

The maid's clue after dinner was unique: "I lay a wager meself now and again, but at least I use me own money." We clearly have someone with a gambling debt, but who?

Searching and interviewing, we would have learned that Ian regularly wears an earring, but he's not wearing one tonight:

Suddenly [someone] exclaims, "Why, Ian! Isn't this that jewel you wear in one ear? I seem to recall you had it on at dinner just last night!"
Fordyce looks startled and a trifle embarrassed. "By jove, perhaps you're right!"
He fingers his left ear lobe and appears surprised to discover that the jewel is no longer there.
"Must have dropped off just a few minutes ago. I put it on when I dressed for dinner. Thanks very much for finding it"

I'm surprised to see Ian, a socialite and member of an elite ceremonial military unit, sporting an earring. Was that common in the 1980s? Doing some Googling, I discover the "earring code" of the era. Straight men apparently wore earrings in their left ear, while gay men wore them in the right. I have no idea if the authors were thinking about this, but I suppose it means that Ian is straight. Note that he claims that he didn't notice that he lost it; that doesn't work with the butler's clue if he was explicitly searching for it. He'd also have to be dumb enough to wear an easily recognizable earring while dressed as a ghost! Despite the plot hole, Ian is the ghost and we have to determine why.

If we searched his room, we would discover a note to him from Lord Jack. That would reveal that Ian had racked up gambling debts. Jack offered to pay them off, but only if Ian would "take Deirdre off [his] hands". This could be read either as asking Ian to woo Deirdre again or asking him to kill her. Fortunately, the narrator (!!) interjects here and says that "it clearly shows how Ian wanted to break up Tamara's romance." Yes, the text says "Tamara" and not "Deirdre". Is this a typo? The clue doesn't fit the crime and I don't see an easy way to have it make sense. If the narrator meant Deirdre, then it confirms that Jack merely wanted Ian to woo her rather than kill her. If the narrator meant Tamara, that provides some justification for why Ian is dressing up as a ghost to scare her, but it doesn't connect at all with finding the gambling debt clue. Ultimately, I'm not satisfied that either makes complete sense.

Being as generous as possible, the best I can guess is that Jack had Ian wrapped around his little finger (thanks to his gambling debts) and used him to help the lady-chasing socialite to rotate through women. When Jack was done wooing each girl in turn, he would have Ian arrange for them to break up in one way or the other. That way, Jack's reputation would remain stellar and he could go after the next pretty girl. I almost want to bring the earring into the picture and suggest that maybe Ian was secretly fond of Jack; perhaps that is why he was so easily manipulated by him? As the case has no epilogue, we cannot know for sure. I'm eager to hear your theories in the comments below.

The scavenger hunt for this case is also less complete than in the previous. Like before, it is gendered, but the second clue merely has a note in the code that they had not yet decided on the "female" clue. Here are the clues that we have:

1st Clue - Female:

"A pigeon in flight, shot by an arrow and dripping blood."

1st Clue - Male:

"A wintry park scene, with a thinly clad mother holding her baby and shivering violently. A voice balloon from her mouth says, 'BR-R-R-R!' A reddish pigeon is perched on a frozen fountain nearby."

2nd Clue - Male:

"'Too much card-playing again!' It's a cartoon of a red-eyed woozy rhino, clad in rumpled evening clothes and holding both front hoofs painfully to its head, obviously 'coming to' after a night's hard drinking with glasses and bottles nearby."

I have no idea how these riddles would have played out, but the solution at least is in the code. The target would have been a "pigeon's blood ruby" and it would have been hidden either in the stained glass window in the chapel (for the female version) or as the eye of the taxidermied rhino in the game room (in the male version).

This scavenger hunt looks more fun.

More Scavenger Hunts!

As we saw with the unfinished cases, the original plan for Moonmist involved twice as many versions of the scavenger hunt, with each clue and solution depending on whether you were playing as male or female. These ideas were not fully excised in the release product-- the "red" variant (in error?) still has gendered versions of the first clue-- but even in that case the final location of the artifact remained the same.

There is not enough information to really know what was intended. For example, we have alternate-gender riddles for the first and second clues in all cases, but none remain for the third and fourth. Does that mean that earlier versions included two clues instead of four or simply that the remaining riddles were not written yet? Two more "clue-like" objects were also commented out and in a separate source file: a drawing that we would have found in Lionel's desk and a piece of art in the gallery. The drawing is roughly the same as the first clue in each case, while the art suggested where Lionel may have pilfered the artifact from. For example, the art in the "red" variant would have been a battle scene from the Boer War. It seems likely that there were different visions for these scavenger hunts at different times.

To try to sort this out, I will focus first on the "red" variant. That version has the most surviving extra detail and may have been a good example of what the others would have eventually been like. In each case below, I will notate the clue included in the final game with an asterisk (*).

A painting, not in the final game, depicts the Battle of Blood River (1838).

Red Scavenger Hunt

As in the finished product, the first clue is always hidden under the punchbowl in the dining room:

1st Clue - Female:

"The King of Spades, holding a sceptre." (*)

1st Clue - Male:

"The King of Clubs in one corner, with a picture of an African chief holding a war club; in the other corner is a King of Diamonds with a picture of a crowned vulture clutching a diamond."

Both clues hint at the war club as the artifact to search for. The extra "King of Diamonds" line in the male clue was double commented; it may have been removed prior to the rest of the clue being removed. In any event, the male "King of Clubs" hint is much more on-the-nose than what we saw in the final product.

Lionel arranged to give the second clue to Vivien and it again differs whether you are male or female. Despite the code being written to allow a different party guest to start off with the second clue, all other variations will have Jack with it. Only in the "red" version does Lionel give the starting clue to a different guest.

2nd Clue - Female:

"It's curtains for anyone who gets in the way of this!"

2nd Clue - Male:

"Forbidden fruit tempted the very first lass.
'Twas once in a garden but now in a glass." (*)

An alternate male clue is commented out:

"Look here, friend!" on an inscribed photo of British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain with his famous umbrella, returning from his meeting with Hitler at Munich. The last stroke of the pen points to the umbrella."

The double second clue is curious because it suggests that you could have gone to the umbrella stand immediately. This supports the assumption that an earlier version would have had only two clues each. The real second clue in the game pointed you first to the stained glass window and then to the garden in the center of the hedge maze. The final clue was the name "CAIN" (to keep the biblical allusions) and from there we might guess that we were searching for a "cane".

In the female solution, the clues would have led us to a curtain rod in Jack's room. As with the cane, we would need to remove Jack's draperies to reveal the diamond-studded war club as the treasure it was. It might be tempting to see the "cane" (male) vs "curtain rod" (female) difference as a sign that the authors intended (in a sexist way, perhaps) to slant the clues towards male or female expectations. Fortunately, none of the other gender changes are quite that potentially offensive.

Perhaps not the Mandalay you were expecting.

Blue Scavenger Hunt

Even in the released game, the blue variant is perhaps the least complete. It is the only one of the cases to have only three clues instead of four. The artifact this time is a fossilized skull. In the released game (and the male path), it was hidden in the bell on the roof. In the incomplete female path, it would have been in a coffin in the basement.

1st Clue - Female:

"A man, who looks rather Chinese, peeking around a curtain."

1st Clue - Male:

"A skeleton in a Chinese mandarin costume." (*)

Strangely, I do not know how the Chinese man peeking around a curtain ties in with the skull that we search for. I suppose since he is peeking out behind a curtain, we see only his head? I'm mystified.

2nd Clue - Female:

"The Road to Mandalay is now underwater, and the only way to communicate is by submarine cable."

2nd Clue - Male:

"Three fellows argued about life:
1. 'Using this motto, no chap can go wrong:
Leave the wench and the grape, but go with a ____!'
2. 'On the seas of my life sails a ship that is laden
Not with bottles or tunes, but with innocent ______s!'
3. 'Women and singing are both very fine,
But for me there is nothing to equal good ____!" (*)

While the "red" version seemed to imply that there would be only two clues each in these gendered versions, this version notes in the code that the solution to the second female clue would have been in the basement among the wine racks. Since that is not where the skull would have been found, that may be where the third clue would have been. The male clues, as in the finished game, led to the piano in the sitting room and then to the roof. The riddle that would have led us to the crypt is left unrecorded.

I look at this picture and think, "Poison!"

Green Scavenger Hunt

Unlike the blue and red paths, very little remains in the code from planned versions of the green variant. Only the first clue still has a gendered variant and there is no suggestion where the moonmist, this version's artifact, would have been discovered if not in the inkwell on the desk.

1st Clue - Female:

"Castle with a cloud of mist hiding the moon."

1st Clue - Male:

"An amazon hunter aiming the blowgun at the treetops." (*)

Interestingly, the first clue for the female-path is clearly intended to be the box art. It is almost a shame that it was removed, although the male-path clue is clearer that we are looking for a poison. Confusingly, the ghost wields a blowgun with a poisoned dart in most of the variants; you would be forgiven if you thought those were somehow related.

 

Pearl Bailey was given the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 1988. 

Yellow Scavenger Hunt

The "yellow" version featured gendered versions of both clues. The goal for this hunt would be the pearl necklace. In the final game, we discovered it on a corpse chained up underneath the old tower. Just like last time however, there is no note in the code where the necklace would have been hidden in the female path. One small but interesting wrinkle is that the final game used the female version of the first clue but the male version of the second.

1st Clue - Female:

"A Polynesian diver, holding a knife and plunging through black water." (*)

1st Clue - Male:

"A photo of singer Pearl Bailey."

I struggled to work out how the first clue could imply a pearl necklace, but perhaps the Polynesian diver is swimming down to pry open some shellfish. I regret that I had not known of Pearl Bailey before playing this game. She was a legendary singer and actress in her time.

2nd Clue - Female:

"A woman knows the secret, but to get inside her mind is difficult and often dangerous."

2nd Clue - Male:

"... Yet the ear distinctly tells,...
How the danger sinks and swells,
By the sinking or the swelling in the anger of the ____s…" (*)

I struggle to understand what Lawrence and Galley are aiming for with that second clue. My guess is that the necklace would have been hidden in a head somehow, perhaps a bust somewhere in the castle. I really have no idea.

It was a dark and stormy night...

Conclusions

I hope you enjoyed our look at Moonmist and the cut variations. It was a pain to search through the code, but I was glad to do it for a good cause. It seems almost a shame that these extras were cut out; they seem nearly complete enough that some enterprising coder could probably add them back in and get the game working within a week. The real problem at the time would have been RAM as Moonmist is very near the size limit for an original-style adventure and perhaps would not have sold as well under their more restrictive "Plus" engine, previously used for AMFV and Trinity. As I stated earlier however, it was not simply a matter of adding back in the commented code, but rather writing and stitching in the epilogue and other text.

Do you like these looks at the old source code? Should I do more of them? I am not eager to completely derail the main series, but I do not mind going back and looking at some games that I played earlier in this series. I would have nothing to say about Zork, for example, since the game code is tidy with nary a removed room. Cutthroats, on the other hand, might deserve a deeper look. A quick peek at the source reveals that the original plan was for seven shipwrecks! Perhaps it too would have benefited from an author with either more time or a less expansive vision. In any case, I have not looked at many of the other games to see what, if anything, I could learn.

Tune in next week or so for the introduction to Hollywood Hijinx!

---

We made it to the end of 1986! Are you new here and want to catch up on the Infocom marathon? Or are you a seasoned explorer that wants to revisit old highs and lows? I have now written eighty-six posts and 240,000 words about Infocom games, or around the length of three novels. You can be forgiven if you want to just jump around using the index!

1. Dungeon - (Intro) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8)
2. Zork I - (1)
3. Zork II - (1) (2)
4. Deadline - (Ilmari) (Joe)
5. Zork III - (1) (2)
6. Starcross - (1) (2) (3)
7. Suspended - (1)
8. The Witness - (Ilmari) (Joe)
9. Planetfall - (1) (2) (3)
10. Enchanter - (1) (2) (3) (4)
11. Infidel - (1) (2) (3)
12. 1983 Books
13. Sorcerer - (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
14. Seastalker - (1) (2)
15. Tutorial Game - (1)
16. Cutthroats - (1) (2) (3)
17. Hitchhiker's Guide - (B) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)
18. Suspect (Ilmari) (Joe)
19. 1984 Books and Updated Manuals
20. Cornerstone - (1)
21. Wishbringer - (B) (1) (2) (3)
22. A Mind Forever Voyaging - (1) (2) (3) (4)
23. Fooblitzky - (1) (Video) (Interview)
24. Spellbreaker - (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)
25. Ballyhoo - (1) (2) (3)
26. Infocom Sale
27. Trinity - (B) (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6)
28. Leather Goddesses of Phobos - (TBD 1, 2, 3) (Joe B, 1, 2)
29. Moonmist - (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)

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Downlod Gta 3 Highle Compresed In 98.0Mb By (Ayush Anand)

                                                         download gta 3 full free verson

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Eric The Unready – The Acceptably Decent Underground Empire

Written by TBD

Eric the Unready Fondor Bindlecrank Journal Entry #2: I'm well on the way to rescuing the princess. My magic banana worked, I think. It took me to the location of one of the items that Bud the Wizard told me I'd need to complete my quest. I had to pretend to be someone I wasn't, but with my cunning disguise, some people randomly giving me needed items and a little ingenuity, I now have the pitchfork I need. One down – four to go.

Greetings all. Hope you're doing well. This week I took a break from randomly reorganising all the rooms of my apartment and played a bit of Eric the Unready. Let's see what happened...

Day 3: Enchanted Forest – The Air Down There

After my magic banana had me dropped off at my next mission, I find myself in a cemetery.

The occupant of the sepulchre must have paid for an extremely long-term newspaper delivery before he died.

As has become standard in this game – I start my day by reading the paper. And as usual, the paper consists of an article about Eric's previous mission, another article or two about current events (all full of jokes, of course) and seven to ten classifieds which are mostly funny references to film, literature and the occasional historical figure, covering all bases from Homer and Shakespeare to Batman and Winnie the Pooh.

Call me Frank.

Looking at my inventory, I notice that I have my Tort-Ease back, even though I had used it all by trying to loosen the banana in the previous mission. In the comments of the previous post, Vetinari mentioned that the magic backpack I have puts items back in my inventory as a way of avoiding dead-ends. It's certainly not the most elegant of ways to do so – but there are weaknesses with all approaches. From my point of view, any way of avoiding dead-ends is better than just keeping the dead-ends in the game in the first place. The standard 'you don't want to use the Tort-Ease on that' is only a little better than letting me use it but magically giving it back to me. The magic gold piece from my last mission that just kept replacing itself whenever I spent it was a better dead-end avoidance solution as there's an in-game explanation. Anyway, enough about my magically reappearing Tort-Ease - back to the game.

Last time I didn't have time to investigate the new items in my inventory before being dragged to the cemetery so I do that now. I read my coupon and find out that it's "Good for 5 free acting lessons with the bard" and that my root beer float is still in my inventory and surprisingly not melted to nothingness by now.

The first thing I try is pushing or pulling at the sepulchre lid, and I'm unsuccessful. Because I'm convinced that it will be used to loosen something at some point, I also try my Tort-Ease, reloading my saved game after it doesn't work on the lid. Giving up, I move on.

Further into the forest, I find a tree with a face. I can't get past him as he trips me with his roots whenever I try to pass, but I can talk to him.

This is the second game in a row we've played that's referenced Halley's Comet!

I happen to be stopped by the most sarcastic tree in the forest.

Seeing as this is only the second screen in this section and I can't think of anything to do, I just randomly offer all my items to the tree one at a time.

I didn't get the joke until I was looking at my screenshots for the purpose of writing this, but I finally worked it out – it's ROOT BEER so it gets the tree roots drunk!

Past the newly-rooted tree, I find what I'm looking for, sort of.

I'm sure I would have tried moving the branches based on the description alone, but this picture makes it rather obvious what my next move should be.

So the tree is growing upside down. That's an enchanted forest for you. As I descend below the carefully hidden trap door, my screen changes to an all-text view – at first I thought I'd accidentally pressed one of the function keys, until I started reading.

This part of the game references Zork a lot.

The text-only view is one of the options for playing the game. If you're playing in that view, you won't get the joke here.

After reading the mail from the mailbox, I'm put back into normal picture view, and find out that the mail is a standard sweepstakes prize letter from the Dwarves' Clearing House.

Joe Pranevich spent a lot more time adventuring in this house than I did.

I can't go back the way I came from because of a scary spiked turnstile – a sign next to it states "Do not back up. Severe hero damage!" Ignoring the turnstile for now, I go west and end up in a huge underground cavern. The cavern consists of two shops and the top of the upside-down tree – way too high for me to reach.

Just because it's obviously too high to reach, doesn't mean I shouldn't try anyway

With two store options, I go to the rock store first and find a guy with a loud plaid shirt and moving hands.

This guy reminds me of someone else from another adventure game.

The adventure game references are coming thick and fast in this game. I like a good pop culture reference, so I'm happy.

The shop contains two rocks that are different from the others (i.e. actionable). There is a starter rock worth twenty zonkmids and the much expensiver headrest special.

I'm guessing the NSGUE is the Not So Great Underground Empire

Not having any money, I leave Fran's store. As I go, he gives me a free miner's starter kit (pickaxe) which I'm sure will become useful.

I go to the publisher's clearing house next, where I get many options to make jokes about the proprieter's appearance.

In Eric the Unready, I don't think the fourth wall existed in the first place.

I give Ed McDwarf my mail, which he will happily exchange for a prize, as long as I can prove I'm Mister Fondor Bindlecrank.

Obi-Wan Kenobi wouldn't have a problem with this puzzle

I think the game's humour and extensive parser is rubbing off on me. I've enjoyed doing multiple things in one line that I knew wouldn't serve a practical purpose. On this occasion, it was GIVE MAIL TO DWARF THEN DANCE. It wasn't useful, but it was damn fun!

I go back to the white house, figuring that my pickaxe could help me through the door, but first have another go at getting past the turnstile.

I loved this. The game actually did completely stop for ten seconds before continuing with the "There. Now don't do it again." line.

After I finished laughing, I shipribbed the wooden boards with my pickaxe, then went inside. The inside of the white house shows me a beard in a trophy case, and a rug. I move the rug to reveal a trap door, which I open.

Once again, the game gives me an easy, nonsensical solution to a puzzle. Funny, but not a shining example of adventure game puzzle solving skills.

I open the trophy case with my new key, then get my beard, a little disappointed I couldn't make my own beard out of an itchy cat, some sticky tape and a black marker.

Upstairs is a pile of human bones with a dwarven driver's license in them (why?)

The ID is for Fondor Bindlecrank, but he's too small and bearded for Eric to match. I've got the fake beard sorted, but I'm hoping to either get smaller somehow or edit the ID to make it closer to human size. But in case it works anyway, I try using the ID without altering my height.

But last night you assured me size doesn't matter...

With no clear plan, I go back to all possible locations (there are only five potential locations in this section at the moment) and find that Fran has new dialogue options, but nothing actually helpful to my quest.

This is the second time you've talked about this cousin you don't want to talk about.

One of the options in the dialogue is about the balloons. Fran tells me that a dwarf had already tried to get the pitchfork with the balloons, but as balloons and pitchforks don't mix well all he got was a lovely headstone.

I go back and try once more to do something with the spiked turnstile.

This was by far the funniest part of the game so far for me. I loved how the game also greyed out the north section of the map icon.

I keep trying things with the game continuing to reiterate that the things I'm trying to do won't help.

Even when it was being this clear, I still thought the balloons might be useful. I just think I have trust issues with game narrators.

Despite the fact I feel this game is very easy in general, I was really stuck here. I tried lots of things and it took me an embarrassing amount of time before I noticed one of the verbs on the left menu... KNEEL!

Now, if this was a pure text adventure without suggestion verbs I'd probably still be stuck here.

Anyway, I went back outside the Publisher's Clearing House, knelt, wore my beard and went in with my ID to redeem my all-expenses paid day at the magic Dwarven Theme Park, which is immediately and magically constructed in the cavern outside.

A big ferrous wheel stands in the middle of the cavern, and there are some new areas available. I first try southwest and find another text adventure reference, a maze of twisty passages, all alike.

Once again, I'm blatantly given an item I need, like the key in the white house trapdoor.

Any other time I go to the maze I just get lost and end up back in the cavern, with nobody else randomly giving me stuff. Looks like that direction was a one-time thing.

Back in the cavern, I pull the lever, sit in the ferrous wheel, and press the button to turn it on.

The test specifically points out the lever and it's included it in the graphics on the otherwise empty ground. Hmmm.

Anyway, despite many attempts at trying things on the pitchfork, I can't do anything with it yet, so I check out the other direction I haven't been yet.

We all probably recognise the game of Memory. Should be simple enough.

I lose a lot at the memory game. The dwarf is quite good, but fortunately not perfect. I was a little concerned he might have the memory of a computer at first, but he screws up enough that I eventually won after about 15 minutes. I could have easily cheated myself by taking screenshots every move but I tried doing it fairly seeing as the dwarf wasn't using his computing powers to beat me and I enjoy a little puzzling.

Now that I've won a slingshot and a random stranger has given me 20 zonkmids, I go back to buy a starter rock from the rock emporium. There's a free bungee cord with every purchase for... well, just because, really.

I go back to the ferrous wheel and try various ways to shoot either the pitchfork or the lever with my new slingshot and rock.

History lesson: The game keeps calling it a 'ferrous wheel' and I assumed I must have been wrong thinking it was spelled 'ferris wheel' all my life. Ferrous made sense, as they were probably originally made from iron, but a quick trip to Wikipedia tells me that the wheel is named after its designer, George Washington Gale Ferris, Jr. Calling the wheel 'ferrous' is likely a joke from the game's writers, but if it is, it's gone right over my head.

Note: SHOOT LEVER WITH SLINGSHOT while the wheel is at its lower position gives me a WITH WHAT? YOUR FINGER? Response. This annoys me a little.

Now that I'm closer to the pitchfork and I've stopped the wheel from moving, I stand, then take the pitchfork. And of course, now I'm stuck at the top of the wheel without a spare rock. Thankful for my free bonus bungee cord, I tie the cord to the tree and jump.

Seems the Pitchfork of Damocles has had the dwarves feeling like they're living under the Sword of Damocles. Ah, I get it now - I feel so stupid.

Now that I'm the hero of the dwarves (or dwarfs, if you pluralise like Snow White) I take my reward of a two foot high rock and go back to the white house's upstairs, where the attic was two feet too high for me to get to.

Eric isn't scared – he knows gnus are herbivores, but a more important issue is why the game lets me read the Bunge-o-matic fine print while I'm in the pitch dark?

I can't see, but I notice a stone slab above me. I started to get cold sweats at the thought of typing this, but I typed... gulp... push slab. (to see why I have post traumatic stress related to pushing slabs, feel free to read here.)

I like that Eric understands that a deadly blaze and destruction signifies a completed quest.

Something else I only noticed because I was looking at old screenshots in order to write, was that I had already been told about the mystic types who ran away dropping torches as I climbed out of the sarcophagus way back when I read the morning paper.

I found this extremely subtle and clever - particularly the reference to the fans who 'carry a torch' for the singer before I found people who freaked out and 'drop their torches' as I climbed out of the sepulchre. And I would have missed it completely if I had just been playing the game for fun!

As has also become standard at the end of each day/quest, we get our next cutscene with the Queen and Sir Pectoral. They discuss their plans for the future. The Queen plans to transform the kingdom into her warped idea of progress.

Maybe old King Fudd is actually the villain of this place, keeping his people in the dark ages and avoiding technological progress.

After the Queen's little vision of the future, I'm starting to get a Monty Python and the Holy Grail vibe about the land this story takes place in. I won't say any more to avoid spoiling a 45 year old movie.

Okay. the Queen is clearly still the villain. But her ideas of progress aren't evil - any future that includes a McDonald's can't be all bad.

I'll be back next week after another week of finding weird things in the back of cupboards I haven't opened in years.

Strangely, I barely spent any time in the actual Enchanted Forest in this quest. Most of my adventuring was done under the forest. And I also noticed that the magic banana that was supposed to take me to each of my quest locations is no longer with me. It seems that rather than deliberately taking myself to each location, coincidence will randomly bring me where I need to be next after I burn down my previous quest location. In fact, maybe I was wrong about the Queen - maybe Eric is the bad guy - burning down the entire kingdom one location at a time. Keep tuned to find out what Eric the Unready unintentionally burns down next.

Session time: 1 hour 35 minutes

Total time: 2 hours 55 minutes

Score: 195 out of 1000 (in 532 turns)

Inventory: backpack, bungee cord, coupon, book, Tort-Ease, Pitchfork of Damocles

Note Regarding Spoilers and Companion Assist Points: There's a set of rules regarding spoilers and companion assist points. Please read it here before making any comments that could be considered a spoiler in any way. The short of it is that no points will be given for hints or spoilers given in advance of me requiring one. Please...try not to spoil any part of the game for me...unless I really obviously need the help...or I specifically request assistance. In this instance, I've not made any requests for assistance. Thanks!

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